You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
