i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
