Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
