so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
