he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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