I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize