i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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