I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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