This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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