That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
