Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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