We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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