I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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