you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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