look no pants
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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