he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
tell me about the fingering
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