omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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