i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
