Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
