bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
