You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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