So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
