It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
