if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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