I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
