I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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