it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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