i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
