i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
