Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
