was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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