This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
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From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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