I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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