Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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