nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
