So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
