The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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