Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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