i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
