btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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