how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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