Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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