nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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