which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
