I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
