Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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