we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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