I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
