I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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