Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
