official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
