Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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