You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
