The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
