Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
