a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
