I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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