i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
