Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
