there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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