I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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