thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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