In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
