last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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