Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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