went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
