can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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