Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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