Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
