kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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