i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
