So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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