She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just puked most of my soul out..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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