News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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